请阅读 Passage 1，完成第 21 ~25小题。     .

                                   Passage 1

    Respect is not included in the marriage VOWS. No illustrated books show how to achieve it. And yet it is central to a lasting,satisfying marriage.What is this thing called respect? It is not the same as admiration. "When you fall in love,youadmire the other. "says Dr. Alexander Symonds,associate clinical professor of p8ychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine, "You look up to someone-much the way a child idealizesa parent. ""Such romantic admiration thnves and even depends on the illusion that he or she is' perfect for you'. That's why it doesn't last. You come to see that the person you married isn't exactly what you expected, " says  Francine Gaborone, "There are differences of personality,of approaches to life,different ways of doing things. " You can try to change your mate back into your fantasy. But for the marriage to last and grow it's better to agree to disagree,to learn to let each other be. Only by taking; this path can you begin to develop real respect toward each other. "I have one patient whose husband loves sports,especially tennis," says Dr. Symonds. "She would prefer to go to the theatre,or to stay at home and read. She could simply say, " We have different tastes. 'Instead,she says,' How can he waste his time and money that way?' She puts him down. "The put-down is the chief symptom-and weapon-of lack of respect,or contempt. "Contempt is the worst kind of emotion. "says Symonds. "You feel the other person has no worth. "We've all seen marriages in which one or both partners attack the other quite savagely in the guise of "It's for your own good. "Any"good"is undone by the hostile tone. A wife nags her husband to be more ambitious and makes hirn feel like a failure because he prefers craftsmanship or community projects to the competitive husiness world. Or a husband accuses his wife of wasting time whenever she gets together with a friend:"Why isn't she doing something productive?"In good marriage partners nurture each other's self-esteem. They may experience humorous incomprehension of one another's preferences,but they never make their loved person feel Like an idiot. " Martyr's idea of a vacation is to go down to basement on a 8unny day and spend time wood-work- ing,"says Dr. Alexander Symonds of her hushand,psychiatrist and surgeon Martin Symonds.But there's fondness in the gibes and firm support for the other's right to be himself. Respect is  expressed in words like," Sure,l'll come with you. Just don't be mad if l fall asleep. "That's the paradox of a good marriage:only by respecting each other as you are do you open the  door to change. The root meaning of the word respect is" to look at". Respect is a clear yet loving eye It sees what is really there,but it also sees what is potentially there and help8 bring it to fruitjon. Respect is the art of love by which married couples honor what is unique and best in each other.