Passage 1

When asked by Conan if his daughters had smart phones,comedian Louis CK explaithat hehad successfully fended them off by simply replying," No,you cannot have it. It is bad for you. "

He instantly became my hero as I was mired in difficult negotiations with ten-year-old daughter over one. And frankly,she was winning. Was it possible to say no to my daughter,as CK suggested?  Ihadn't even known I was allowed to,if the guinea pigs,the dogs,and things for her doll Molly were any indication.CK rationalized,"l am not raising the children. I'm raising the grown-ups that they are going to be. So just because the other stupid kids have phones doesn't mean that my kid has to be stupid. "Now I knew I didn't want my kid to grow up stupid like her friends.l needed to explain this to her. This is what CK told Conan and me.

Cell phones are “toxic,especially for kids," he said,because they don't help them leam empathy,one of the nicer human emotions. When we text,we do not see or hear a visceral reaction. The re-sponse we get is cold,hard text-message. " Why are kids mean?" He asked. " Because they're trying it out. They look at another kid and say,‘You're fat. ’  Then they see the kid's face scrunch up and think

that doesn't feel good. "Texting "you're fat" allows you to bypass the pain.

CK went on to explain that smart phones rob us of our ability to be alone. Kids use smart phones to occupy their time:Must text!  Must play game!  Must look up more tiny socks online for Molly ! ! !CK asked,what happened to zoninS out? After all,one of the joys of being human is allowing ourminds to wander with cell phones,kids are always preoccupied. They never daydream,except in class.Here's something else we're missing:our right to be miserable. This was a right I hadn't realized I desired until CK pointed out that it's yet another of the essential human emotions.

CK gave the example of driving by yourself and suddenly realizing that you're alone. Not " Oh,guess I can't use the lane"alone. Dark,brooding sadness causes so many drivers to grab smart phoneand reach out to another living soul." Everybody's murdering each other with their cars"  as they text because they fear being alone.

Too bad-they're missing out on a life-affirming experience.

"I was in my car one time, and Bruce Springsteen's  ‘Jungleland’  came on. He sounds sofar away. It made me really sad. And I think,l've got to get the phone and write hi to 50 people. I was searching for the phone,and I thought,don't !  Just be sad. "

So CK pulled over and allowed himself to sob like a little girl denied a nice thing for her American Girl doll. "It was beautiful. Sadness is poetic. You're lucky to live sad moments," he said. "I was grateful to feel sad,and then I met it with true profound happiness. The thing is,because we don't want that first bit of sad,we push it away with that little phone. So you never feel completely sad or completely happy. You just feel kind of satisfied. And then you die. That's why I don't want to get phones for my kids. "

And I suppose I don't either.